Creepy Crawly Murder Fun Time
So, I used to be a huge Arachnophobe. You know, terrified of those alien spiders with their multiple eyes. So much so that even a mention of a spider could send me into a panic. One time while we were gaming I was sitting on my spider free couch in a spider free living room. Next thing I hear is the people across from me going “Holy shit! That is a huge freaking spider!” I’m automatically up and on the other side of the room within 3 seconds. I hesitantly head back to my comfy perch and move my couch. And there, right in front of me, is a spider that in my eyes was the size of a Beetle. Just chilling there. Almost like it was saying: “Yo, what’s up? What do you have in the fridge for me to drink?” Not being one to have peacful talks with spiders I grabbed the nearest whacking item and proceeded to beat it til I thought it was dead. The problem arose when it’s body went missing. We’ve all been there. You are 100% positive you’ve dispatched a creature you are sure is out to kill you slowly and painfully…only to have it slip away. Like a horror movie monster. Well..not even half an hour later I have the people across from me talking about that damn ninja spider so I am once again forced across the room. Once I realized they were joking I took it upon myself to try and fix this fear of the alien 8 legged freaks that are spiders.
Found some random website that got started due to cracked. This website took pics of spiders and added LOL comments to the pics. Surprisingly it actually worked for me..for the most part. Now my new battle is with centipedes. The other night I had a centipede crawl up the wall from behind the head of my bed..Me being the loving husband I am just stared at that intruder..trying not to draw my wife’s attention to it. Unfortunately, she looked where I was looking and proceeded to flip the hell out and run to the door way. Once again, I was given a choice, attack the interloper or let him live his life. I chose to take it since this mo fo went past where my head rests when I sleep. I go for him to kill him via squishing in a tissue..He showed as much ninja skill as the previous spider..Got loose and dropped onto our pillows..And that was IT for me. You don’t drop where my head lies when I’m going to sleep if you wanna live. It was the equivalent of a tea bagging. Went after him after tossing all items off the bed. Found him..Went to grab him again…he ran down the side of the bed and I went to squish him..Swore I did too..till I came back with an empty tissue. This damn centipede outsmarted me twice. He out ninja’d my samurai ways. Seriously..Flat out disappeared on me. Two days ago my wife goes to the bathroom and ends up screaming and running back to our room. I ask her what’s wrong. She says there is a centipede right in the middle of the bathroom floor. I got a smirk and proceeded to go into that bathroom and I stomped that bastard into the ground. I like to think that it was the same centipede that outsmarted me before. I laid that bastard to rest with the best honors I could give him. It’s not often that “bugs” are able to outsmart us humans. And anytime they are able to they should be given their due props.