Crow’s Super Secret Weight Loss Tricks
Lately it seems as if I can’t go out and about without someone noticing that I’ve lost weight. Hell, even I have been stunned to find that I am currently developing a pretty nice (if I may say so myself) curve that some people refer to as an hourglass curve. I have decided to share my ultra secret weight loss techniques with the internet, because what are we without new tricks and tips to losing weight?
We’ve all heard of the diets parading around the Internet, all swearing to work, and this is just like any other diet plan. My diet is nothing fancy, and something that everyone can probably afford.
I eat a lot of pizza. No, really. Like, a lot of pizza. I should invest in Papa John’s stock that’s how often Travis and I order pizza from them. It would be a smart move. I’m putting some delivery guy’s kid through college. It’s amazing. And I don’t settle for a mere vegetarian pizza, or a gluten free pizza. No, no we go the whole shebang. We get extra cheese. We get meat. We embrace the pizza, and we (Travis, the kids, and I) will devour an entire extra large pizza in one sitting. No need to hold back. And, to top it off, we dip it in the artery clogging garlic sauce.
Meat and potatoes, it’s a way of life.
We eat this about three to five times a week. It’s just meat, potatoes, onions, and garlic. Cooked in butter. It’s delicious, it’s filling, and goes a long way. If you have left overs you can scramble eggs in the morning and put it with it and have a delicious breakfast. It goes great with macaroni. It’s really good and easy to cook.
Eat some salad, because that’s healthy. I pour a lot of ranch dressing (not the light shit, the good stuff) and bacon bits on there to enhance that flavor, and don’t forget the feta cheese (or blue cheese, depending on your tastes) because your body is a temple and you should treat it as such.
Coffee, at least one cup a day. Sometimes two to four. Always with creamer and sugar. Enjoy that shit. A lot of people say to cut out soda, but I say drink all the soda you want. I have a few cans of soda a day. And wine. Oh my god the wine. A bottle every 48 hours should do the trick. Now, you can share your bottle, but it isn’t actually necessary. You can drink as little or as much of the bottle as you want by yourself.
What good diet is worth it without a bit of exercise? So, my routine… get out of bed. Clean the house a bit. Chase after a few kids, do homework, and then cook some food and run around and chase kids some more. Take them outside. Play some video games. Watch some TV. Read some books. This is all the exercise you require.
Obviously this is all very healthy and you will lose weight super fast using this method.
[Note: I don’t actually know how I’m losing weight, it’s just happening. I’m not going out of my way to do this. Above is actually how I do things. Also, we’re human and normal without tips and tricks on losing weight. If you’re not happy with your weight, then do what you must to adjust it. But be healthy about it. And only do it because it’s what you want to do. Don’t let someone tell you you have to or don’t need to lose weight if you want to lose weight or don’t want to lose weight.]