Free Talk With Crow: Relationships
One of the great things about having a lot of opinions and having a website is that I can express these opinions on my website and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. They can say things about it, and they can get mad, but ultimately no one can actually do anything about it so long as I’m not, you know, committing a crime through my website.
I’ve repeatedly stated on Twitter that:
I'm not exactly sure what romance is, but I have been reliably informed it's not something you can eat.
— Crow (@fhrcrow) August 10, 2012
Still don't know what romance is and people still insist it's not edible. I'm beginning to think they're lying to me.
— Crow (@fhrcrow) August 6, 2014
On Tumblr I have stated:
I don’t believe in the concept of someone, “completing,” me. You know, when someone meets someone and they fall in love and they say that person completes them?
I don’t believe in that concept at all because I’m not broken; I’m not a partial human being. I’m a complete human being and I don’t need anyone to, “complete,” me and, “make me feel whole.” (original post)
To which someone said and I replied:
Anonymous: No disrespect meant, but I take it you’ve never been in love? It’s not that you feel like you were missing something without that person, but that they fill in gaps you never knew were there…
My reply: I’ve been in love. I’ve been head over heels, over the moon, totally besotted in love.
A gap is a break or a hole; and while I was in love and after the fallout of that relationship ending I didn’t feel a sense of a gap being filled or a gap no longer being filled.
To me, love is something that makes you feel like you’re spilling over – you’re too full because there was no gap to be filled. Kind of like pouring water into an already full glass, how it just kind of spills out over the brim because there’s already so much there.
And, nah, no disrespect taken 🙂 (original post)
I have opinions and ideas about the world around me; I’ve lived for almost 28 years, and I’ve experienced a lot of life in that time. I don’t believe that love is an over-encompassing rapture of fulfillment, and I do not believe that you need to be in a relationship to make yourself whole. I don’t believe that relationships change much just because you put a new label on it, either. If two people are friends, but then they enter into ‘dating’ relationship with each other, I don’t believe that the core of their relationship changes. They are still exactly who they were just before they started dating. They dynamic hasn’t changed – they are still able to tell each other everything. They’re also still allowed to look at other people and comment on them. If they’re in a monogamous relationship then no, they can’t sleep with random people, but they can still look and appreciate. Things don’t change much, except you’re committed to having sex with that one person (or, in the case of non-monogamous dating type relationships, the previously approved third parties and that one person).
I don’t believe in hiding the sordid details of your past from someone, either. Everyone I’ve been in a relationship with has had my sexual history thrown at them from the start. The way I see it, if you can’t be honest with someone you think you want to have a relationship with, then either you’re not an honest person or that relationship just isn’t worth it. If a guy takes issue with the fact that I dated and/or slept with a male that I am still close friends with and he begins demanding that I stay away from said friend because of our shared history, well, then that guy just isn’t worth my time, now is he?
I won’t change or erase my past to make others feel more comfortable, and I don’t expect others to do it for me. It’s all about trust; if someone hasn’t given you a reason to not trust them, then you should trust them to be faithful. And if you don’t trust them to be faithful, or if you stop trusting them, then the relationship is dead in the water and you need to abandon ship.
So what if someone slept with someone in the past? It’s the past. We’re supposed to be living in the present, looking towards the future. If you keep wading around in the past then the present will pass you by and you won’t even know it. Your future is coming at you fast, so you better be prepared for it.
I generally know when someone is lying to me. I don’t always call people out on it, or even indicate that I know. But I do. I tend to keep it to myself, observing what all happens. I don’t see the point in calling people out on every lie they tell. But, I’ll say this, if you feel like you have to lie to be about something, then you’re probably feeling like you’re wronging me in some way. And if you feel like you’re wronging me, you’re probably wronging me. And I know it, because I know that you’ve lied to me.
Guess what will eventually happen.
Spoiler alert: I won’t hang around too much longer.
Sometimes I make my exit from people’s lives silently, without warning. One day I’m there, suddenly I’m not. No explanation, I’m just suddenly gone. I do that. I think that, sometimes, things don’t need closure or that silence is closure enough. For me, at least. And I don’t think I owe anyone an explanation as to why I just randomly peaced out. The thing is, I may have been temporarily in someone else’s life, but I’m permanently in my life. I gotta look after the permanent state of being before the temporary one.
I think a lot of things. I’ve focused on relationships in this thoughtful post, but next time I’ll probably focus on something else. Because, you know, it’s my website and I can say and do what I want.