Pre-Customer Support Rant
All right, this is how this is going to go. I worked as Tech/Customer support in my last job where I was working for HP who had a contract with what used to be Sun Microsystems but became Oracle. I’m moving forward to a new job after more than a year of looking for one. A job that more or less fell into my lap. To the extent that I was looking for a job when I was contacted by a guy I used to work with. He tells me to contact this dude about an opportunity. Get in touch with the dude and within an afternoon I get hired without this recruiter ever seeing me. Well, this isn’t about that, at all. This is me releasing all the irritation at the people I dealt with in my old job. With the hope I don’t have to deal with the same in this new job. Keep in mind, this is stuff that has been floating around for at least 4 years. You’ve been warned.
Top complaint: If you are dealing with a company that is based in the USA then learn how to speak at leas the base form of English. When I am talking to you and you give me a name that is like 26 letters long, and I ask you to spell out the name using the basic idea of “A for Adam” etc. Do not give me a letter where your example is “E for apple.” How the hell does that even compute in your head about how English as a language functions? No lie. In my previous job I would have numerous calls where I’d get someone spelling their name out where they would literally say “E for apple.” How do you respond to that? Being phone support your only option is: “You mean “A as in Apple?” Then you get the dreaded response of: “No! E as in Apple.” Seriously?
On top of that issue…when yer in the IT field you get to deal with a lot of people that are in India but working for companies located in the US. So your basic conversation when these people are experience problems tends to go like this: “Can you check the equipment to verify that everything is correctly plugged in?” “Sorry, no. I’m not near the equipment.” “Well, sir, is there someone you can get us connected to in order to figure this out?” “No. Why you don’t fix this?” “Sir, I can’t fix this if we don’t know 100% if the equipment is functioning.” “No! You fix this now!” “Sir, you cannot verify that everything is properly plugged in, and you refuse to give us someone else to contact..We cannot do anything until we can verify the connection.” “NO! You FIX THIS NOW!” etc. etc. etc.
Literally..That is how that worked out. I admit I don’t know what people in the direct sales jobs go through..But I imagine that my dealings with people half a world away at least mirror what these sales people deal with on a daily basis. And god help you if you are a female IT help desk person dealing with someone from India. They hate y’all. Hardcore. And from my personal experience with a certain female co-worker of mine..At least some of you have a way of driving field techs crazy. Once got a call from a field tech that had spent the majority of the day dealing with this one lady on day shift…Called back and got me and I got his issue resolved in like ten minutes. Then spent like 20 minutes listening to him bitch and moan about the “service” he got from this lady that worked on the previous shift of mine.
Regardless..(Trust me..you do not want an entire entry on my last job experience..It would not only be overly long..it would be boring as hell..Let’s leave it at the shift I was on was awesomesauce and let it be.)
If you are a regular visitor of this site, then you’ll notice I’m the guy that made the entry about “assholes.” And yeah. I will be the first to state I was an ass to certain customers. An Example: I had a woman that called in one night saying that she needed to have a field tech come out to their site in order to verify which serial numbers they had were correct. At the beginning of the call I was all super super sweet. Did my job of making her comfortable with talking to me, etc. Once we got to the serial numbers in question I asked her to read me what she had. (She had two serial numbers per machine) She read me the first one, and that didn’t pop up in my database, so I asked her to give me the second number. And holy gods! The second number showed up in my database. I proceed to inform her that all she needed to do was give me the list of serial numbers that she had and I could verify which ones our company was using. She responded by telling me that “No! We need a field tech on site to do this!” That’s when I entered the “sweeteningly sweet asshole mode.” One of the biggest memories I have from my time working there was a co-worker looking me dead in the eyes and saying straightfaced “You are the nicest asshole I’ve ever listened to.”
The reason for that comment was because when I got troublesome customers on the line I would go super sweet with them. Where I’m talking so sweetly to them that any normal person would realize I’m making fun of them..but to these people it never came across that way. And wow..this has kinda shifted all over the place..so to stick with the theme of randomness:
Women have the say over what they do with their bodies! Fuck government control!
And an excerpt from a song: “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?”